My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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