I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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