His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
