absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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