I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
