I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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