If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dick very happy bro
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
