we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
