Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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