Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
