the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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