You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And then he peed in my hair
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
