can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
