I am puke
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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