If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
