third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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