My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
