I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
