dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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