Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
