ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
