we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize