walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
