Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
