i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
