Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
