I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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