the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
