you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
