white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
