then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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