that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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