Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
