he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
