We need to start having sex underwater more often.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
