Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
