If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
