she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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