why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
