i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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