No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
So many bounce houses so little time
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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