He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
