hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
