your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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