there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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