Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Green mimosas i think yes
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
