I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
