Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize