dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's get the cat blown out
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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