What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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