Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
