If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
