So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
