The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
