Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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