I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
