Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
