sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
