And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
