there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
