You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
