In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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