i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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