We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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