Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
