Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize