You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
