he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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