Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize