Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
