Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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